One of my sideline roles is as a mentor for trainee therapists. Recently I was asked how to become a better therapist. This question elicited so much reflection in me. Firstly I asked myself, what is a good therapist? This is such a nuanced question as what may be good for one, may not work for someone else.
We probably are all aware of the standard therapeutic qualities necessary for a therapist, namely empathy, congruence and unconditional positive regard, to paraphrase Carl Rogers, but I think that a modern day therapist needs so much more than that. I believe that there is no end goal to becoming a therapist, even once you are qualified. To me, it is a lifelong journey of growing, learning and developing.
Being a therapist is a part of my identity and honestly, it can often be difficult to separate it from who I am as a person. That being said, the question was a brilliant exercise in helping me to reflect what has helped me become a better therapist over the years. Ten ideas came to mind, but I have no doubt that there will be many more throughout my career.
1. Having my own therapy and working through my past traumas. This is extremely important to me. My training required that I remain in therapy throughout, and as it took me 6 1/2 years, that was a lot of therapy! However, over the years since I have qualified, I have found myself going back to therapy and trying different types of therapy. I imagine this will be the case throughout the rest of my life. Healing doesn't have an end point. Things will come up in life, there will be new and trying situations and new challenges. Even though I feel I have done a significant amount of work on myself and my past traumas, I do not believe I am the finished product. Having my own therapy has helped me work through the particular difficulties I have to being a human. Ongoing therapy has helped me understand myself, and consequently, my clients, better. For me this is the biggest factor in being a good enough therapist, being able to look at my own stuff and work through it.
2. Finding and getting Supervision that fits well for my needs. Not all Supervision is created equal. I have had a lot of Supervision in my life, some that was adequate, some that wasn't and some that was truly wonderful. Whilst you are training you often do not have the luxury of choosing your own supervisor. However, once you are qualified, generally speaking it will be your responsibility to pick a supervisor, (unless you work as part of an organisation). My supervision needs have changed at different periods in my life and career, and having a supervisor that is able to match those needs has been a huge factor in helping me become a better therapist. Also, being able to build a good therapeutic alliance with my supervisor has enabled me to bring my mistakes and insecurities into Supervision, and to not feel shame or embarrassment. This in turn has benefitted my practice and helped me grow into a better therapist. After all, we learn the most from our mistakes.
3. Making sure I do the relevant CPD. Continuous professional development is not only a requirement of the UKCP governing body, it is essential to the growth and development of any therapist or mental health professional. Choosing relevant and good CPD can be difficult, as well as costly. So choose wisely.
4. Reading. Whilst I was training, the reading list seemed never ending! Sometimes I fall out of love with reading, but I never forget just how important it is to keep abreast of psychological development, as well as what is going on in the world. Reading a combination of fiction and non-fiction has definitely helped in my development as a therapist and helped developed my ability to conceptualise a case and to think critically.
5. Putting myself out there as a therapist. As a self-proclaimed introvert this has been one of the more difficult parts of my development as a therapist. However, it has been one of the best learning opportunities. Since qualifying I have started a Peer Supervision group, a monthly study/book group and now my tips for therapist sharing forum. All of these are opportunities to learn from other therapists, and to grow my confidence by facilitating groups and doing something that feels risky.
6. Networking with different types of therapists. Even though my training was an integrative one where I learned about many different modalities and then had to formulate my own version of Therapy, one of the biggest learning opportunities I've had since then is coming into contact with all different types of therapists. I do not believe that a one size fits all approach to therapy is good enough. Being able to talk with and learn from therapists who have studied completely different modalities to mine has been such a fantastic opportunity for developing new skills and ways of thinking.
7. Having the ability and luxury to work with clients for years on end. I have had clients that I have seen for over five years. Being able to have a therapeutic relationship of that length has definitely enabled me to be a better therapist. Relationships of that time period have many ups and downs, and the ability to stay with someone and watch them for the different seasons of their life has been extremely important and a privilege. Being able to work with clients long-term has also helped my understanding of attachment theory, and being a part of attachment change has been enlightening.
8. Discovering and honouring my therapeutic limitations. This has been one of the more difficult lessons to learn, in understanding that there are some clients I am just not suited to. Initially this used to be quite a personal thing for me, and I believed it was linked to my ability as a therapist. Honouring my therapeutic limitations has been so important for my growth as a therapist. I want to be able to provide the best possible care I can for my clients, and I can only do this if I am a good fit for them, and they for me.
9. Getting comfortable with silence. Each of us has a different relationship and meaning we attribute to silence. This has been a learning curve for me, because as therapists, we are there to listen and to not take unnecessary space. Exploring what silence means to your client is also an important factor of the therapy, but it is essential to know your relationship with it, too. Nowadays I truly appreciate silence, and I actually spend the first two hours of each morning practicing silence. Being in silence has helped me learn to have a different relationship with my thoughts, to be more in tune with my body and develop my interception, as well as to become a better listener for my clients.
10. Working through ruptures with my clients. Ruptures in the therapeutic relationship can be such an important moment of growth for the therapist, the client and the therapeutic relationship. This is if the rupture is acknowledged and worked through. The therapeutic relationship can be a mirror for all of the clients relationships in their everyday life.The ability to have ruptures and to work through them can be such an important corrective and modelling experience.The ruptures I have experienced with my clients have been an opportunity for growth, and although they may have felt painful at the time, they have all the material to work with. Being able to say sorry, to not be defensive and to learn from my mistakes has been incredibly important. Being able to work through ruptures has helped my understanding of my clients, the relationships we have built and of myself as a person.
Perhaps try this reflective exercise for yourself. What has helped you become a better therapist?
Lesley Kollikho
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