I am writing this fresh from two weeks off clinical work. Somewhat surprisingly (to myself) I managed to switch off on my recent time away from being a therapist. I say surprisingly because I have a notoriously complicated relationship with taking time off work, in part because of my psychological makeup, but also because of the nature of the work of a therapist - to be a support, to be a container for those who are emotionally vulnerable. My clients needs don’t stop whilst I am on holiday, and so I have often experienced a sense of guilt at taking time away from them. I recently asked this question to my followers on my ‘Tips’ Instagram and over 50% of them said the same, that they struggle with taking time off, too.
The therapeutic relationship cultivates a level of attachment and dependence. When we take time off, it can have a big impact on our clients. We have many clients whereas they only have one therapist, and that 50 minutes can hold an incredible amount of significance for them. As reflective and thoughtful practitioners, it’s no wonder some of us experience guilt when we take time off.
Feeling guilty…
Naturally, the intellectual part of myself understands that I have nothing to feel guilty for. I take all of the necessary precautions with my clients (advanced notice of holiday dates, safety plans, urgent contact numbers etc), as well as explore what my time off may stir up for them, their transference and attachments, but still the guilt prevails. However, I am happy to say that after years of unpacking what the guilt is about, the last two weeks were guilt free.
Taking time off is looking after your clients
I would hazard a guess that most of us want our clients to feel generally better, to be emotionally robust and resilient. In order to do this, one needs to look after one's physical, emotional and mental health (amongst other things). If we want this for our clients, why do we not apply this to ourselves? Client work can be tough. We are holding and containing emotional distress and energy. In order to be robust enough to be present for our clients, we firstly need to look after ourselves. This means adequate rest and time off. You cannot pour from an empty cup is an age old saying for a reason. Make sure your own cup is full enough, so you have something to pour for others.
How have I have let go of the guilt?
Even though I managed my time off without guilt this time, that is not to say that I won't ever experience it again. However, I am conscious of learning to sit with my uncomfortable feelings, and not be reactive to them. If I feel guilty, I will be curious about it, but I am determined to try and not let it impact my time off negatively. In allowing the guilt to do so, I am not getting the rest I need, and I still feel guilty anyway. This doesn't make much sense to me, and I will likely end up burnt out or resentful of the work.
Therapist time off is also important for clients. Clients need time away from therapy to integrate their learnings, and highlight what might need more focusing on. We also don't want to foster such a dependent relationship that a client cannot survive without us, this is dangerous territory to enter into.
How to rest
Even once we have decided that we need rest, many of us don’t really know how to do it! Years of chasing perfectionism and being caught in the rat race of capitalism means that really switching off and resting can almost be stressful in itself! The following are some of the things that have helped me.
Taking enough time off. Trial and error has shown me that I ideally need two weeks off client work to really feel like I have had a rest, the sort of rest that I feel in the depth of my psyche.
Identifying what type of rest I need. Physical, emotional, mental, creative, social, sensory or spiritual (or all of the above) and planning things accordingly.
Being intentional in my time off, and thinking about what will help me recuperate and feel nourished going back into client work.
Not checking emails ( I managed 10 days out of 14 and let me tell it made such a difference!)
Putting boundaries in with therapist friends/colleagues who were working and wanted to talk about therapy
Giving clients enough notice of my holiday dates. I email each client at the beginning of the year with all of my leave for that whole year. That way, we have plenty of time to work through anything that may arise.
My holiday takeaways
Time off is essential for mental, physical and emotional well being.
I have to be intentional with how I rest and recuperate.
I am allowed to take time off and not feel guilty about doing so.
My clients also need a break from therapy sometimes.
Looking after myself and my needs make me a better therapist and models self-care to my clients.
So, tell me, when is your next holiday?
Lesley
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